Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Revised Gospel of Joshua

If you're religious and found this via a "Gospel+Joshua" search on Google, you're lost and should probably leave. Search engines are secular. So am I. There. Fair warning.


For the rest of you? This will be music to many, many ears.

I'm slowly, almost remedially, coming to the practical understanding of just how much of a thief "politics" is becoming. I'm not even sure this shit qualifies, but it's steadily and increasingly robbing us of our commonality. Dividing people along contrived, imaginary lines. Lines eagerly accepted by hordes of people whose only moral compass is set by their chosen ideology's definition of North, rather than their own. That's the only explanation for the term "conservative Christian"!

With acknowledging pre-apologies for likely relapses and a couple of purging posts to come: I MUST find a way to abandon this folly. Because...it really...doesn't...matter.

If Trump wins? Putting aside the Nuclear Winter scenarios that involve the jilted Orange Crush nuking his strong Russian Stallion for cheating on him with Sisi, the Left will fracture and radicalize. Just like the Republicans after Obama's inauguration, and the liberal version of Tebaggery will be just as annoying and vile. Hell, he hasn't even been elected and they've already begun going full-frontal extremist, eh Jill? How do Bernie's Babies like their new nursery?


***

"It's completely different! We're progressiiiiiiiiive! We're evolllllllvinggggg!" 

Ugh. I know, I know. Now sit down. And shut the fuck up.

***


Where was I? Ah, yes....

Hillary. Typing it makes me ill and in any other year I'd be wiping my ass with this election. But, I'm actually voting for The Hilliazard. Plugging my nose doesn't even begin to describe it. I detest her. But, I have to. Trump is tapping into something historically ominous. He, and what he's mindlessly unleashed, is literally (proper use) dangerous. On a catastrophic scale. And, handing an orange, inarticulate raging ape the Nuclear Football? That is literally (proper use!) the height of irresponsible stupidity.

But, on the other hand, if and when Clinton staggers & stumbles into the Oval Office, do you suppose Trump's White Walkers will be heroically vanquished? Will we all sing Kumbaya and roast marshmallow around an enlightened national campfire? Will we all have a Coke and smile before wiping away a happy tear of newfound national unity and hugging it out?

Ha! Hardly.

On November 9th, probably around 6am ET, when the Wednesday news cycle's getting into full swing, Trump will scream "Crooked Hillary stole the election!" Then, predictably, his drooling White Walkers will further descend into fabricated Nationalistic Auslander Rage and simultaneously the militias will become something more than rural squirrel killing curiosities. Much more. Mark those words. I've never been more certain of anything than this. It's a ridiculous thing for most of us to hear oozing from a fully-grown humanoid's snout, but "take our country baaaaaack!" actually has meaning in that bizarre parallel conspiracy-fueled universe.

Someone wrote, "History never repeats. But it often rhymes." Something "rhyming" with Civil War is coming. There's no "coming together", fuckos. Look around. Read thru your fucking Facebook feeds with objective eyes. The loss of whatever tenuous collective connection we once had to a shared set of objective facts has sealed our general fate. And it's ugly. We've split into two screaming mobs. Each guided by contrived, mutually exclusive political religions. Their scriptures written and preached by snake charmers.

Not to be confused with Pastor Snake (second fr. right)

I assume you've seen War Games. This all reminds me of Joshua struggling to learn the futility of Tic Tac Toe. There is no "winning" scenario. NOTHING will be solved after November 8. Whoever loses will just re-mobilize for their counterstrike.

"Learn, Goddamit!"

For me, personally, it's surprisingly simple and it goes back to my let go of that which does not fucking matter.... idea I wrote about earlier in the week. There is literally (almost proper use!) no bigger waste of time than trying to "discourse" with the willfully ignorant. Futilely trying only corrodes respect. And, while it gives my ego a righteous boner, preaching to my choir is even less productive than spending the afternoon on YouPorn. Not even the gooey mess to show for my...efforts...and it distracts from other things I should be focussing on. Worse, it's robbing me of my my optimism, hope, what was once a freely-flowing sense of humor, and, because of the times in which we live, even relationships. It's reminded me more than once of the "brother vs. brother" description of the first Civil War.

And for what?! Is something changing? Have I missed it? All this...and it's getting worse! 

 "The only winning move is not to play." Hail, Joshua. But there is of course a problem. Despite my "two tribes" analogy, both tribes are NOT "the same". Even if I were to go into complete political radio silence, I'm still sure to be bombarded by these increasing, and increasingly audacious, displays of random "patriot" stupidity. I would literally (proper use...I think) lose no more respect for some folks if they told me they approved of child rape than I do via these emphatic fascist pronouncements of Trump Love. Sure, I can stand down. But, the loss of basic, fundamental human respect can't just be replaced. The damage to the relationship is done. It's permanent. Hey, I'm glad you're "keepin' it real" and all, but it also reminds me of the old Pantera song. "Be yourself. By yourself. Stay away from me."

And the echo chamber isolation grows. Yep. Winter is coming. Shit. It's almost here. Who's drinkin'?


Behold! The immaculate decree!
The original Joshua tablet as it was delivered to the Prophet Falken
inside Holy Cheyenne Mountain.


(You're very welcome, by the way! Happy to paint the above sticky picture for you. What's that? No Snapchat. Sorry.)